Rule Of Paranoia
Rules Of Paranoia
OR
(Tips and Suggestions For those unable to relax and enjoy the ride
And /or taking part in alternative catering.)
By: SmokingPlatypus
1 “They” are not waiting for you to fall asleep.
2 Do NOT use the rearview mirror, it doesn’t work (Objects in mirror may be closer than they appear), and neither do your eyes. Look Forward.
3 Always remember that you are probably not that important for all that paranoia, or if you are, then enjoy it until caught. This means you need to be “Bling-Blinging” or “fat with ice.” (Buy rap CD for details on this.)
4 If you are an alternative caterer remember that when the dominoes start to fall that they may go either way, up or down. “They” can be the ones that you call or the ones that call you.
5 “Staying Up” so you can sell it, is ALWAYS, a mistake.
6 Saying, “I’m going to do a line and go to sleep” does not make sense, and dammit you know that.
7 Always remember that if your nose is bleeding that it doesn’t mean that the ‘stuff’ was bad, but rather that your nose is working properly.
8 Always wash the last of your ‘stuff’ down the drain. It’s just as cool as snorting it, and reminds you that you are not powerless. (Also toss ‘stuff’ at unsuspecting indulgers, makes for a good story, and reminds everyone that it is bullshit anyhow.)
9 If you see “them” first they do not have to leave.
10 Peepholes result in head injuries.
11 Keep your eyes forward while driving, also remember that other people will be driving, and they may even be going in the same general direction as you.
12 Shadows happen if your high or not.
13 cocaine math is not real
14 If people are staring at you strangely at any public place, it is probably because you are staring at them, also you are sweating a lot, have a open 40 oz and are probably twitching.
15 If the police knock on your door it means they do not have a warrant, don’t answer the door.
16 Alcohol is your friend
17 Never, under any circumstance, go to a casino while using ecstasy, losing money should never make you giggle
18 Stay away from electricity, ATM’s, and do not listen to the Phantom of the Opera while on LSD.